10-33. We’ve Lost The Line

The usage of the police code 10-33 means “Emergency All Units Stand By”. It’s designed to make the communication between police crews easier, faster and clearer. So today, I hope this article helps you clear the noise and filter out the rhetoric that assumes life is a zero sum game. Now more than ever, the Church is needed to demonstrate how to love one another; to love those we may consider to be our enemy, and renew our commitment to be like Jesus.

During the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5:9, Jesus taught, “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.”

Enjoy.

“It is so tempting to blame those

with whom we are in conflict.

Blaming makes us feel innocent.

We get to feel righteous & superior.

And blaming also nicely deflects

any residual guilt we might feel.

We are overlooking whatever part

we may have played in the conflict

and are ignoring our freedom

to choose how to respond.”

The most difficult person we ever have to deal with in life isn’t who we imagine it to be. It’s not the person on the other side of the table. It’s the person on this side of the table. It’s the person we look at in the mirror every morning. It’s ourselves. The biggest block to our success in life is ourselves. It lies in our very human, very understandable tendency to react: to act without thinking. As Ambrose Bearce once quipped, “When angry, you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” So what’s the alternative?

To get a clear perspective, you have to go to the BALCONY in order to see the third side. Imagine you’re negotiating on a stage and part of your mind goes to a mental and emotional balcony, a place of calm, perspective, and self-control where you can stay focused on your interests, keep your eyes on the prize. A place that allows you to see the third side of the situation. Let me give you an example of one of my favorite negotiation stories. It’s the story of a man who left to his three sons 17 camels. To the first son, he left half the camels, to the second son, he left a third of the camels, and to the youngest son, he left a ninth of the camels.

The three sons got into a negotiation — 17 doesn’t divide by two. It doesn’t divide by three. It doesn’t divide by nine. Brotherly tempers started to get strained. Finally, in desperation, they went and they consulted a wise old woman. The wise old woman thought about their problem for a long time, and finally she came back and said, “Well, I don’t know if I can help you, but at least, if you want, you can have my camel.”

So then, they had 18 camels. The first son took his half — half of 18 is nine. The second son took his third — a third of 18 is six. The youngest son took his ninth — a ninth of 18 is two. Nine plus six plus two adds up to 17. They had one camel left over. They gave it back to the wise old woman.

This story is a little bit like many of the negotiations or conflicts we engage in. They seem impossible to resolve and no apparent end in sight. We start off with 17 camels. Somehow we need to step to the balcony, change our assumptions, and find an 18th camel. And if you think that’s hard sometimes, you’re right, but it’s not impossible.

The most fundamental way in which the third side can help is to remind you of what’s really at stake – “setting your mind on God’s purposes, not man’s.” What I learned is that one of the greatest powers we have is the power not to react but rather to go to the balcony and keep your eyes on the prize. So that’s the power I wish for you in your life – the power of the balcony.

SOURCE: William Ury, The Third Side: Why We Fight and How We Can Stop