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Reflections On Being A White Male In A Time Of Racial Unrest 

Guest Writer:  Mark Matlock

 

White guys are under attack, or at least it feels that way. I’ve been reflecting on what this means and what I’ve learned and continue to learn about myself.

 

1. I can’t help that I am a white guy. It’s who I am, but I recognize that this does not excuse me from hurting other people knowingly or unknowingly. In fact, I may have added responsibility for undoing the wrong being done.

 

2. The “unknowingly hurting people” aspect is what I struggle with most. I don’t like to be considered ignorant and I don’t like being blamed for doing something I don’t think I did. Yet, I’m coming to realize more and more that I am part of a problem even though I’m not consciously participating. This is white privilege, I don’t like that word, because it sure doesn’t feel like privilege, but the world I live in was built by white men for the benefit of white men. Does a fish understand water? Only when they leave it.  I am the fish.

 

3. If I engage the conversation, I will eventually say the wrong thing. That’s okay. I need to learn from that. Better to engage and stumble than remain in my ignorance.

 

4. I unknowingly hurt people of color because of systemic racism. Systemic Racism really exists, my use of the dictionary definition of “racism”  to prove it doesn’t is, in fact, an example of systemic racism.

 

5. This thing called white fragility is real. I don’t like it because I’m not fragile, or maybe its because a woman wrote the book (“she has an agenda,” “she doesn’t know me,” “I’m not fragile you’re trying to make me that way”… wait is this my racism coming out?)

 

6. … but I read the book and wow… for the most part it captures my experience and what I observe in my other white guy friends. I’m tired of talking about race, being aware of myself as a white person all the time. It’s exhausting… oh wait everything I just wrote about being white is almost exactly what my friends of color have been saying for years. Hmmm.

 

7. What I consider to be healthy, vibrant conversations about race are often seen by people of color as a display of my white supremacy. Has my whiteness shaped the way I interact and discuss this topic?… it appears that might be the case.

 

8. I like to have an opinion about everything, I argue and move on, but these issues are deeply felt to affected people and they can’t move on. I need to treat this discussion with the  respect and weight it deserves.

 

9. I hide behind reason, logic and rational thought as superior tools,  forgetting this is a conversation about relationships, and that requires some other tools in the toolkit I don’t use as often like humility, submission, empathy, and love.

 

10. I like to be funny, my humor on this issue doesn’t reveal my cleverness, it often hurts people and gets me in trouble.

 

11. I’m not as curious about people as I give myself credit for. I need to ask more questions to learn why “I don’t get it.”

 

12. I want my friends of color to rescue me, to give me props, to validate me as one who gets it. They are true friends when they don’t but rather confront me.

 

13. White guys will most likely never be woke. There’s a moment you might think you are, then you realize you aren’t. It’s not about being “woke”, it’s about people experiencing equality, understanding is what is important.

 

14. Time… straight white cisgender men want to solve problems and move on (don’t believe me ask your spouse) … reconciliation is a relationship word. It’s not all in the head, this isn’t an easy fix.

 

15. Re-read your first point.

 

Mark Matlock has been working with the parents, ministers and non profits for nearly three decades and he’s spoken live to more than 1 million teenagers. He is the principal at WisdomWorks, a consulting firm that helps Christian leaders leverage the transforming power of wisdom to accomplish their mission. Mark is the former executive director of Youth Specialties and the creator of PlanetWisdom Student Conferences. In all his free time, he has written more than twenty books for teens and their parents including Faith For Exiles with David Kinnaman, President Barna Research.
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When Promises Are Broken

Dr. I. David Byrd July 1, 2019

 

“If a man makes a promise to the LORD or says he will do something special, he must keep his promise. He must do what he said”

Numbers 30:2(NCV)

We have spent the first six months of 2019 unpacking the many promises of God. We’ve seen the grace and mercy He provides to us day by day. We’ve seen that we can depend on His promises. We’ve search scripture to confirm His promises. Yet, doubt, disappointment or disillusion creep in when we think He has not fulfilled His promise to us. This month we pause, turn the spotlight, flip the script, reframe the focus to explore the promises we have made to God and ask, “Can He depend on the promises we have made to Him?”

When you give your word, you’re putting your honor on the line. You’re implying that others can trust you because you have integrity. Have you ever considered how God hears the fulfillment of your promises to Him –

I’m willing to offer a belief in you generally, but without specifics attached to it. If what you are asking is too hard for me to do, you’ll understand if I avoid it. I will sacrifice for others as long as it does not affect my own self-interest as I face life’s daily events. I studied your Word and used my intellect to discern all that was right and wrong with it. Besides, it was written by imperfect men. I ignore the parts that don’t make sense or make me uncomfortable. I’ll proclaim my allegiance to you by judging people on the parts that don’t inconvenience me. I’m willing to love those who are like me but as your Word says, I’m required to love my neighbor not those others. I’m not a minister so, at my own discretion, I will tell others about the Good News. I asked you to alleviate that situation and you told me “your grace is sufficient”; I know you understand that’s not quite going to cut it. 

 

Sound crazy? Before you too quickly dismiss this and while you may not audibly say these things to God, have you not conveyed these words to Him by your words and actions? God expects all true believers to be His emissaries. One day we will all have to stand before the Creator and answer the question, did we take Him at His Word and keep our promise?

 

The most basic promise of most believers is to serve Him. Serving is the obligation to love Him. John 14:15 defines loving Him as keeping His commandments. There is a direct link between His commandments and His promises. They are our reward for a life of faith, belief, and devotion. When we prioritize, pick or choose which commandment to focus on, we open the door for the enemy to get into our heads. My friend says, “If the enemy can cause us to doubt one promise from God to us, then over time that will cascade into uncountable other questions creeping into our heads and causing more doubt.”

Today I pose a set of questions that will allow you to unpack how well you have kept your promises to Him. Grab a cup of coffee, tea or your favorite beverage. Find a quiet space to work through them. You can choose how honest to be with yourself in your answers. This is between you and God. These questions are not designed to challenge you from my own perspective. It is the Word of God, the Word that Christ committed to His Church, and the Word that we are commissioned to defend and proclaim. The Word that can keep the Church strong and pure if we believe it and obey it. We convey our promises to Him by our actions and our deeds. Our actions should seek to please God, not have God please us. Special thanks to Chuck Bengochea and Tim Donoho for allowing me to integrate some of their questions with my own:

 

1. What real sacrifices have you made for Christ? The operative word is sacrifices. Not what have you done for Christ, but what have you truly sacrificed. Webster defines sacrifice as, “forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a greater value or claim”

 

2. What pain have you suffered for God? List 3 examples

 

3. List three significant gifts that you have given to God that forced you to change your lifestyle for at least three months.

 

4. If you knew you were going to die soon, what legacy would you leave behind that would benefit the body of Christ?

 

5. Have you ever been so hungry for the Word of God that you couldn’t sleep until you had meditated on it for a while?

 

6. What does it look like to “Seek God with all of your heart”? What changes would you have to make?

 

7. Do you know God well enough that He could brag on you if He wanted to? What would He say?

 

8. Learning to fully surrender to God is a journey; being willing to release your families, your financial future, and your health can be very difficult. Where are you on that journey? What do you still hold onto tightly and why? What do you think would be the outcome if you fully released that part of your life to God?

These are brutal questions for some. For others, these will be the most difficult questions that we have to answer in demonstrating your promise to God. Some of you simply won’t attempt to answer because the spaces for answers might be blank. I pray your first response will be to drop to your knees and join me in asking God to forgive us for not offering him our best.

Processing your answers will set you on a journey. You will find or awaken a depth of faith that wasn’t previously present. It is not too late to fulfill your promise to God; start today working on doing what His Word asks you to do and watch the blessings of the Lord come. E-mail me the challenges, roadblocks, and detours you experience on this journey so that I may pray with you and encourage you as you engage, discern and make conscious choices as you walk out your destiny.

 

Father God,

 Forgive me for not always holding up my side of this covenant relationship. Use me as Your tool, not for my own purpose, but for Yours. Inspire me each day to seek out how I might truly be a worthy servant to You. Give me the opportunity to share my faith in You with others in both my words and actions. And give me the courage to do it boldly, without fear of what the results might be, knowing that it is solely under Your providence what the outcome will be.

 In Jesus name we pray, Amen

 

 

 

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God Will Give You Wisdom and Understanding

 

Dr. I. David Byrd. June 2019

 

The Netflix series What / If demonstrates how one seemingly innocent decision can have a major effect on oneself and those around you. It’s called the Butterfly Effect, first stated in 1963 by mathematician and meteorologist Edward Lorenz, a pioneer in chaos theory. In essence, the flap of the butterfly’s wing is part of the initial conditions that can lead to a chain of events leading to a large-scale chain of events. So what does this mean for us? It means that every decision we make matters and effects more than just ourselves. Have you ever thought about what informs your decision-making process? Some say we make decisions based on logic; the research says decisions are based on emotions. The decisions you make are a selection from a series of choices. The real answer to what informs your decision-making process should be based on your “Why”. When you know your why, you establish clear priorities. And making the “right” choices becomes a lot easier. I heard a story from Dale Powell that highlights how understanding your “why” will help you make better choices and decisions:

 

“Shortly after I was released from the hospital, I met a lady who saw that I was walking with a walker and inquired what was wrong with me. I told her that I had just had my knee replaced. She said she hoped mine did not turn out like hers. Dr. So and So had really messed her up and she had been on a walker for three years. I engaged in the conversation for a while and then said I was off to physical therapy. She replied  “Oh, I don’t put any faith in that. I went one time and I thought they were going to kill me. I wouldn’t waste my time.” I thought how can she blame a doctor for botching her knee if she doesn’t follow up with his advice and do therapy? If I don’t follow the doctor’s advice, he cannot control the outcome. One session of physical therapy and expecting to get well is like doing one workout and expecting to be a fitness champion. It isn’t going to happen.”

 

She clearly didn’t understand that consistently going to physical therapy (the decision) was to restore functionality and prevent disability (the why). Can you relate? We sometimes make bad decisions because we don’t want to make the sacrifice that will lead to a better outcome. Even when we have evaluated our options – Self wants to do what self wants to do. And because we have the free will of choice, we are also the recipients of the free consequences of those choices. I’m glad God is more invested in accomplishing His good works through us. God’s plan is not defeated by our bad decisions. God intervenes to protect the promises He has made to us. Philippians 1:6 gives us the confidence that “He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ”.

 

As believers, we can put our faith in Jesus Christ and allow Him to guide our every decision. Why? He will help us maneuver the traps, distractions and challenges this life presents. Our savior has promised to provide us wisdom for right living and understanding that informs our decision-making process. It’s been said that our destiny is a compilation of the decisions we make over our lifetime. Webster defines destiny as both a predefined course of events; and as the power or agency that determines the course of events. Our goal throughout our life is to use our agency to make proper choices and decisions that keep us from delaying or derailing our destiny. How we exercise our agency is enhanced by the power of the Holy Spirit. Remember last months topic – He will be with you always.

 

Jesus provides us wisdom and knowledge through the gift of discernment. The gift of discernment is the ability to make the best choice when confronted with a number of options. Moreover, if the researchers are correct in stating that we make decisions based on emotions, then our emotions should be informed by the Holy Spirit. In our relationship with Christ, we have a noise cancellation system. When we study and apply God’s Word to our lives; when we passionately pursue Jesus daily, the noise of the world is quieted and we can hear Him clearly. Sure, we will still know the noise is out there, but the level of the roar is reduced. However, when we ignore these basic disciplines, the noise of the world increases and can become deafening – and our lives (and possibly others) suffer because we no longer hear God’s word. We then make emotion-based decisions rather than faith-based decisions. That’s why scripture teaches us,

 

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.       (Romans 12:2)

 

Jesus didn’t intend to remove us completely from the noise of the world with its temptations, hurts, injustices and evil. Rather He intends to protect us in the midst of these dangers, effectively canceling the world’s noise to a point where we can hear and respond to God’s Word and our lives can be lived joyfully and effectively for Him.

 

With this knowledge, we can be sure of His promise to give us wisdom and knowledge: to discern; to evaluate what we are thinking against the Word of God; to make good choices and to give us a door of escape. He knows our end before our beginning but in the middle, he gives us free will to make our own choices. Our choices determine the path to our destiny – quick or long, hard or easy.

 

Let me encourage you to, “Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path”.

 

So, who’s informing your decision-making process?

 

Dear Heavenly Father,

 

Decisions are not easy. I make over 3,500 decisions per day; some small some large. I know you leave each decision up to me, even when you show me the path of escape from those choices that may not be best for me. Help me to first evaluate all my decisions through the lens of scripture. You promised wisdom and understanding, but I can be hard headed sometimes. Help me to listen and act on your guidance; to trust that you shall open, and none shall shut, and you shall shut, and none shall open. Let all the glory and credit go to you in everything I do.  

 

In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

 

Thank you for allowing me to speak into your life. Hey, spend a few moments of quiet time discovering your personal application of what you just read by clicking this link  myTime with God